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My first time riding a bike was exactly like my first time having sex.
My dad was holding me from behind.
The police burst into my house at 6 am this morning looking for child porn on my computer.
I told them to fuck off and find their own like I had to.
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I love women who want equality.
I especially like the look on their faces when you tell them you’re not paying, after you’ve drunk champagne and eaten the most expensive meal on the menu.
My Dad was well known locally for being a hard man .
In the end mum left him because she couldn’t keep up with his viagra addiction.
This would be much better if you were alive.
My boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have”.
Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a white gown and a KKK pillow over my head 😦