Daily Archives: February 21, 2015

22 HILARIOUSLY RUDE ‘ROSES ARE RED’ POEMS

Only 2 more days left till Valentine’s Day, the day we’re supposed to be all romantic and give each other roses and have candlelit dinners and stuff. You could do all that or you could mix it up a bit and send your beloved a rude poem. Roses are red poems have been around for ages and they’re a tired cliché, but I have found some remixes that traditional romantics would not approve of. Scroll down to enjoy some rather inappropriate poetry!
1.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Rhyming is hard
Like I am for you
2.
Roses are okay
Violets are fine
You be the 6
And I’ll be the 9
3.
Roses are red
Hearts are the same
Oh, by the way
I think Game of Thrones is lame
4.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like spaghetti
Let’s get it on
5.
Roses are red
Violets are violet
Here is my number
Why don’t you dial it?
6.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper
7.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Pornhub is down
Your mum’s facebook will do
8.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I cry myself to sleep
Masturbating to you
9.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’ve got general warts
Soon you will too
10.
Roses are red
Violets are grey
I’m a dog
11.
Roses are red
Violets are violet
You can be the cockpit
And I’ll be the pilot
12.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m using my hand
But I’m thinking of you
13.
Roses are red
Grass is greener
I think of you
When I touch my wiener
14.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
This joke’s overused
Your sister is too
15.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your webcam is on
And I’m watching you
16.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Brown is the colour
Of elephant poo
17.
Violets are blue
Roses are red
We’re doing this backwards
That’s what she said!
18.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
What I thought was vaseline
Turned out to be glue!
19.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Who is your daddy?
And what does he do?
20.
Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don’t try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius.
21.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have five fingers
but tonight you’ll get two.
22.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most nights I masturbate
To pictures of you

A NIGHT WITH MY LADY

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

I run one hand up her long neck
Just touching her makes me euphoric
Across her body, my right hand goes
I’ve been practising, believe me, it shows.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

Another deep breath, the tension mounts
Have to stay focused, every moment counts
I am ready let’s get movin’
Here it goes, we both start groovin’.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

I start out slow to get in the swing
As I do she starts to sing
The sounds and feelings grow more immense
The movements,become more intense.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

She screams and screams,while am gropin’
My heart stops as I see the door open
My mom walks in and with a frown
Says, Your guitar is too loud, please turn it down.

MY GREATEST FEAR IS GROWING OLD

Age age age, no solution has been found to the wicked process of aging. I’m 22 years old right now and my biggest fear is not death, it’s growing old !!! This is not a hate speech against old people. It is simply a personal opinion about old age. Reaching 60 years of age and above  has quite a handful of challenges. The most common problem is that your sight and hearing become impaired. I cannot imagine not being able to listen to music or watch a movie or blog on both my phone and laptop. I simply love the fact that as a young person I have this unlimited energy flowing through my body. It feels wonderful to wake up feeling energized and full of life. I can be able to walk around in Nairobi town the whole day without getting tired. Old life is quite boring because most old people just sit or sleep the whole day and night. The little energy that they have is spared for critical activities such as cooking and washing a few dishes. Talking a nature walk is almost impossible for an old person. I dislike the the sad truth that the body wears out, you lose your good looks and your bones become brittle. For crying out loud, you can’t even have passionate energy-filled sex like you used to. Your sex drive also declines. You slowly begin to lose the positivity that you once had towards life.

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