Daily Archives: March 28, 2015

ASSASSINS

Assassins are impressive. It’s not the killing part that impresses me…it’s the fact that they figured out away to fit “ass” into the same word twice.

PEOPLE’S DAY-TO-DAY CONVERSATIONS

I love how people say they’re “expecting”a baby, as if it might be something else, like a penguin.

DEAR RAPPERS

Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. When I’m driving, it scares the crap out of me.

SURPRISE SEX

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to…Unless you’re in prison!

OLD PEOPLE

Old people at weddings always poke me and say,”You’re next”. So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

WHY I FAILED MY DRIVER’S TEST

I failed my driver’s test today. The instructor asked me “What do you do at a red light?” I said “I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook.”

I’M IN GREAT SHAPE

Unfortunately, it’s the shape of a potato.

IF WOMEN RULED THE WORLD

There would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

WORDPRESS IS THE BEST BLOGGING PLATFORM

Fully equipped with amazing features to ensure that you enjoy your blogging experience, WordPress goes an extra mile to provide you with a map displaying all the countries that your traffic came from.

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A VERY IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?I don’t have a Ferrari.

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