Daily Archives: March 28, 2015
Assassins are impressive. It’s not the killing part that impresses me…it’s the fact that they figured out away to fit “ass” into the same word twice.
I love how people say they’re “expecting”a baby, as if it might be something else, like a penguin.
Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. When I’m driving, it scares the crap out of me.
Old people at weddings always poke me and say,”You’re next”. So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I failed my driver’s test today. The instructor asked me “What do you do at a red light?” I said “I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook.”
There would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.