Daily Archives: June 17, 2015

PILOT RULES FOR BEGINNERS

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don’t have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don’t crash.
5. It’s better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

A CHINESE ROBOT

There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in America it caught 100, in France 1000, and in Romania, somebody stole the robot.

THE SICKEST JOKE OF ALL TIME

One day my wife’s credit card got stolen… what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

DRIVING SAFELY

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

SEEING A COUPLE WHO ARE TAKING A ROMANTIC WALK

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you’re holding is a half eaten sandwich.

THE RIGHT WOMAN

When you meet the right woman she will sink into your arms, then your arms in her sink.

QUOTE NUMBER 69

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.

THE TITANIC

Why didn’t Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.

MY WIFE

Ever since it started snowing my wife is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

QUOTE NUMBER 68

People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

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