Monthly Archives: August 2015
Kid asks a teacher to define ‘sponsorship’
‘It’s when someone pays for someone else to do an activity or event to help someone’
‘Oh I see, So my dad just sponsored that prostitute then?
I got a promotion at Sainsbury’s the other day for massively increasing our fruit and vegetable sales.
All I did was stick the bananas and the cucumbers next to the 50 Shades DVDs.
I never forget my anniversary because my wife always reminds me.
She called me in tears at the pub today and said, “It’s our anniversary you bastard”.
Phew. That was a close one.Follow @ManuMuema
Last night I took a homeless man to my place for a nice hot bath and a meal. I felt it was the right thing to do.
I just couldn’t see myself fucking him when he’s all filthy and starving.Follow @ManuMuema
I hung up my phone and my wife looked at me and said, “Ain’t about time you got an upgrade? ”
That was 6 months ago, I now have a new wife.Follow @ManuMuema
My wife shouted that she’s had had enough of my weird sexual fetish acts.
So I packed my case, wanked over my clothes and left.
The woman is clearly mad.Follow @ManuMuema
You know it must be a boring porn video when you start wondering if a woman’s long, fake nails hurt her when she’s masturbating.Follow @ManuMuema
Reports suggest that licking a toilet seat is more hygienic than biting your nails.
So why is everyone on the bus staring at me and my toilet seat?Follow @ManuMuema