Daily Archives: August 4, 2015

MY MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR

My marriage counsellor said I needed to be more spontaneous.

So I raped her.

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IS IT JUST ME

Or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing?

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HARRY’S GRANDMA

Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. “When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken.”
“Yes,” says Harry, “that’s inflation for you.”
“It’s nothing to do with inflation,” says grandma, “It’s all them fucking CCTV cameras they have nowadays.”

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TWO UNRELATED QUESTIONS

1. My wife has suddenly decided to drop all charges against me for assault, how do I inform the court?.

2. How do you get blood stains out of a beige carpet, a garage floor and the boot of a 1988 Sierra?

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MY WIFE

My wife has told me that she’s leaving me for another man.
I guess she’s just reached that time in her life when she feels she needs someone new and exciting to refuse to have sex with.

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