Daily Archives: August 16, 2015

PROSTRATE EXAM

I had to go in for a prostrate exam today.ย 

It was my first time so it turned out to be a very disturbing experience.ย 

Mainly because of how good it felt when he pulled his finger out.

finger

finger

MY DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND

My daughter’s boyfriend brought her home drunk.

“Quick, call an ambulance,” I shouted.

“She’s only a bit pissed,” he said.

“It’s not for her,” I replied.

COURTING MY WIFE

When we were courting my wife would tell me she loved to put certain things in her mouth and would lick her lips slowly and say she always swallowed.ย 
I rushed the marriage through as fast as I could and found out what it was.ย 

Fucking cake.

THE WANK CLUB

The first rule of Wank Club is ;
Never shake hands with another member of Wank Club.

ME

I think I could do a better job than most male porn stars. Not the sex, of course . . . but I could certainly do a better job of ignoring distractions while cleaning the pool or mowing the lawn.

OUR SEX LIFE

I knew our sex life was over.

She took my hand, looked at me with tear-filled eyes and said …

“I do.”

UNFOLLOWING

“Unfollowing an ex girlfriend” sounds a lot nicer than, “The bitch took out a restraining order”.

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