Daily Archives: September 25, 2015
Selfies have killed more people than sharks this year.
Probably because sharks can’t use cameras.
My girlfriend loves ‘Back To The Future’, but I couldn’t get her a hoverboard for her birthday.
So I got her a hoover and an ironing board instead.
This woman called me a filthy pervert on the bus because she noticed my huge erection.
Cheeky bitch, she was the one with a tit out with a kid on the end of it.
Just upgraded my wife’s phone…
… to a duster and some polish.
That’ll stop the lazy cow neglecting her household duties.
I was driving up the motorway on my way home last night and I had this fucking lorry driver up my arse all the way.
Still, it was nice of him to give me a lift.
As I picked up my wife from her driving test, the examiner said,
“There was no accident and she passed, but I’m afraid she’ll be having jaw pains for a while.”
I said, “How come?”
He said, “Well… I have a big cock.”