Daily Archives: October 7, 2015

M.J’S BEDTIME

When’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

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M.J

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a PS2?

Nothing, they’re both plastic and get turned on by kids.

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A CRAZY NURSE

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. 

“Congratulations,” she says. “It’s a healthy baby girl.” As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. 

“My baby!” screams the mother. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it!” smiles the nurse. 

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby’s face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. 

“What are you doing?!” yells the mother. 

“April Fools!” replies the nurse. “It was already dead!”

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THE WIFE

The wife wanted a Pandora bracelet for her birthday.

I met her halfway and got her a Pan.

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LAST NIGHT

I had some pretty weird sex with a Polish bird from work last night. Mainly down to the language barrier…

And me not understanding, “No, get off, stop!”

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JUST AS LIL WAYNE SAYS IT, “I EVEN LOOK GOOD IN A BROKEN MIRROR”

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GUCCI MANE SAYS THAT HE PAID NICKI MINAJ FOR SEX

Rapper Gucci Mane went on a Twitter rant naming the entertainers that he claimed to have slept with. Gucci claims to have slept with Fantasia, Nicki Minaj, Monica, Keyshia Cole, rapper Tyga’s girlfriend and former stripper, Black Chyna (he’s says him and Waka had a threesome with her) and a few others. Gucci says that Nicki Minaj was homeless and sleeping in her car in Atlanta. He says he put her in a hotel, let her move in and helped her find an apartment. The 33-year-old Alabama rapper goes on to detail his relationship with Minaj, rehashing how he helped her when she was just starting to make a name for herself in the industry. The rapper is referring to the period when Minaj was living in Atlanta in the early stages of her career while being managed by Deb Antney, Waka Flocka’s mum. At the time, Deb was also managing both Gucci and Waka. Gucci says both him and Waka had sex with Nicki. Gucci says he has the pictures to prove it. He posted two then deleted them, but he didn’t delete them fast enough.

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Gucci says this about Nicki:
“Nicki Minaj can do a trick with her mouth, ask Waka?”
“Did I put Nicki in a 50 dollar room then let her move in. Then help her get an apartment I’m a fool 4 a bubble butt but I hate ass shots, fake Ho”
“Freak ho was not allowed at eagles landing country club. So I put her up at the microtel in a room which went at a rate of 60 wit tax. Crazy head ass hard”
“Nicki u a g hoe”
“Bitch ur booty feels like box Chevy nicki u aint suck me and waka’s dick at d microtel”
“I got pix. Who got millions.”
“I got pix of nikki n my bed I got tape off rocko begging his ?got pix of 3sum kkaior. Dm ask dem ciara kelly fantasia mya buffy maliah?”

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Nicki responded by tweeting :
“May God strike me dead if I ever had sex wit that man. Lmfaoooooooooo.  Nigga da way ya #ugliness is set up #BubbaGump #crackhead”
“I’m rlly cracking up. He’s fighting so hard for one more ounce of relevance. Tyga and I turned down his feature request last Thursday.”
“Career aint goin nowhere like horses in da stable/ b-tch I’m in the mansion, flossin, clickin cable.”
“Gucci look like a upset stomach”
“Ok Gee called me. *goes back to playing nice* that was fun tho. I’m praying 4 him. 4real. He’s sick and in dire need of rehab. #Love”
As you read above, Nicki immediately denied they ever slept together and slammed him on her own Twitter. But the rapper went ahead to claim that he paid her $60 a night for sex!

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Here is a screenshot of the text messages that Gucci Mane received.

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Back in 2009 Nicki said Gucci helped her out when she came to Atlanta. Nicki Minaj said this about Gucci :
He’s like my big brother. Me and Gucci have a relationship that is behind this fake sh*t. Most people do not know that when I first came to Atlanta, Gucci embraced me and we did song after song after song. At that time, my buzz was nowhere near where it is now, and he just rode it out with me. I’m very grateful to Gucci. Me signing with Young Money did nothing to change my relationship with Gucci. We still have the same manager so we will always have a special tie to one another, no matter what.”

TESTING OUT MY GIF

BOOTYFUL PERFORMANCE : NICKI MINAJ FLASHES FLESH IN SHEER CATSUIT AS SHE TWERKS ONSTAGE AT THE PRE-SUPER BOWL BASH

Nicki Minaj kicked off Super Bowl XLIX weekend on stage at the Bud Light House of Whatever concert in Arizona last night (January 30th). Peep the photos that she posted below.

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Check out my best post ; I’M ADDICTED TO LIL WAYNE https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne/

MY WIFE

My wife knew I was disappointed and shouted at me,”Look, if you can do better, fucking finish it yourself. ”

So I did. Turned out to be one of the best wanks I’d ever had.

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