Daily Archives: October 30, 2015

MY WIFE

I went to the doctor.

“My wife is depressed and keeps threatening to commit suicide, she needs some tablets or something.”

“Get her in to see me, I’ll start her on a course of anti-depressants,” he said.

“Anti-depressants?” I replied, “Won’t she be able to kill herself a lot quicker with a morphine overdose?”

MY WIFE

“I’m so bloody bored,” complained my wife. “All I do is cook and wash and clean and care for the children. I just want to do something else for a while.”

“Um, the ironing?” I suggested.

MY OBSESSION

My obsession with software updates, has taken me to Cloud 9.01.

MY DAUGHTER

I’m not saying my daughter’s fat.

But Father Christmas sits on her lap.

MY SEXUAL FANTASY

My sexual fantasy is to be stalked… if you follow me.

BRUCE JENNER

Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman.

MY WIFE

My wife came home from her walk on the beach and asked me to dry the dog.

Five minutes later she came downstairs and asked, “Where is he?”

That’s when she heard the ding.

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