NICKI MINAJ DRESSES UP AS A FAIRY FOR HALLOWEEN

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NETFLIX AND CHILL

If people think netflix and chill is good they should try imax and climax.

FIRST BASE

I never usually get to first base with a girl, but last night I got a home run.

It’s much easier when you bring a baseball bat.

DOING LAUNDRY

“What the fuck is in the washing machine?” asked my wife. “It sounds like a brick.”

“Oh, “I’m just washing my socks,” I replied. “There’s a pretty big load in there.”

MY GIRLFRIEND

Once a month I’m fucking horrible to my girlfriend. I mean, truly nasty. I’ll call her a fat slag, throw the dinner she has made on the floor, and then when she tries to pay me a compliment I’ll burst into tears before screaming ‘cunt’ at the top of my lungs.

That’ll teach her for being a feminist in search of equality.

SHEEP

I’m a supply teacher, and I was working in a school in Wales today.

“What does a cow do?” I asked a little girl.
“Moooo!” She replied.

“What does a dog do?” I asked another little girl.
“Woof woof!” She replied.

“And what does a sheep do?” I asked little Johnny.