Daily Archives: November 7, 2015

A DAY AT THE BEACH

I went on a picnic at the beach with my wife yesterday.

I said, “Do you want some sandwich?”

She said, “Yes.”

I called one of the lifeguards and said, “Can we have some sand over here please?”

PIRATES

Grammar

Bite me, arsehole = grammatically correct and scathing

Bite me arsehole = kinky pirate

MY GIRLFRIEND

I showed up at my girlfriend’s house.

She said, “Why, don’t you look nice!?”

I said, “Thanks.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.” she added.

FACEBOOK

There was a time when people had diary’s and would be rather pissed if anyone read it.

Now people put everything on Facebook and get reallly pissed off if people don’t read it.

MY FUCKING KIDS

I was just setting up my new DJ decks when my wife walked in, “What do you think you’re doing?” she asked.

“Setting up my new decks,” I replied.

“Not in fucking here you’re not,” She said kicking off, “this is the kids bedroom.”

“Can I put them in the shed then?” I asked.

“Of course you can, you daft sod.” She replied. “You don’t have to ask.”

“Great!” I replied shouting down the stairs, “kids you’re sleeping in the shed from now on.”

A PRICELESS DAUGHTER

A middle-aged grumpy couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.
“I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the £75,000 asking price,” said the man. “Yet I just heard you close the deal for £65, 000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.”
“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the young woman approached the middle-aged couple and gave them the keys.
“There you go,” she said. “I told you I would get the prick to reduce it. See you later, dad.

ME AT THE BAR

I stumbled up to the bar.

“I’m not serving you,” said the barman.

“Why not?!” I asked.

“Too drunk.” he replied.

I said, “Sober up then, you daft bastard.”

EARLIER ON TODAY

Earlier I did a shit long enough so that I could spell out ‘Will you marry me?’ on the bathroom floor.

The answer was no.

INDULGE KENYA SAYS THAT THEY BOUGHT DJ CREME DE LA CREME’S SEX TAPE

The people who branded the now most talked about sex tape starring DJ Creme and Halima Nassir have said that they bought the tape from “a source we cannot disclose”.

Going under the moniker Indulge Kenya 254, they added that the tape that has circulated various social media sites is just a “five-minute sample from an 18-minute sex tape”, they told Word Is, in an email interview.

“We paid to acquire the video(s) from a source we cannot disclose,” they revealed. “Epic Nation’s legal team contacted us. However, by this time, the video had circulated beyond our administration.”

They however claimed that they did not leak the video. “Although the watermark on the video directs credit to us,” they said, “Please note that we are not responsible for leaking the video. As you may have noted by now, the original Indulgekenya254 Facebook page and Twitter handle are empty. Not a single post or tweet respectively. Any page or handle claiming responsibility is a fake.”

They claim they have “two more videos in our possession, way longer and more graphic.” They don’t state which celebrities are featured therein.

Meanwhile, DJ Creme issued a public apology to his family, friends and fans.

DOWNLOAD AND WATCH THE DJ CREME DE LA CREME SEXTAPE HERE

Dj Creme totally messed up and as always I have all the juicy details for you.

Watch and download the video here :

https://vid.me/xdNA

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Watch and download the video here :

https://vid.me/xdNA

Warning : NSFW download

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You may also want to read;
* 50 Shades of Blogging https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/50-shades-of-blogging/
* Nicki Minaj Call Miley Cyrus a Bitch Live At The VMA Awards https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/09/01/nicki-minaj-calls-miley-cyrus-a-bitch-live-at-the-2015-video-music-awards/
* Lil Wayne’s Smartest Lyrics https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/lil-waynes-smartest-lyrics/
* I’m Addicted To Lil Wayne https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne/
* Why I Blog A.k.a Agnes Wanjiru https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/09/17/agnes-wanjiru-wangethe-a-k-a-shee/
* Lil Wayne’s Tattoos https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/lil-waynes-tattoos-2/
* My Other WordPress Blog https://thatmomentwhenlilwaynesays.wordpress.com/

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