Daily Archives: November 19, 2015

WIFE SWAPPING

I went wife swapping last night.

No one told me the fat bitch was meant to come back with me.

MY WIFEY

My wife went to the blood bank today.

They said to her, “We’re just going to take the blood from your arm, okay?”

“No need,” she replied, pulling out a bag of used tampons. “I’ve been saving up all week.”

WHAT PEOPLE REALLY DO AT THE GYM

Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:

The perfect female body.

A CALL TO THE POLICE

I called the police.

I said, “I just saw a man raping a young girl in the park!”

He said, “I need a more accurate description.”

I said, “You kinky bastard.”

POLITICIANS

What’s the difference between a politician and a prostitute?

Both are dishonest and will say and do anything for money. The only difference is that you fuck the prostitute but the politician fucks you.

GROWING UP

We never played violent video games when I was growing up. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a pipe?”

HOW WILL I REPAY THIS GOOD DEED ???

To the guy that returned my empty wallet…

I don’t know how to repay you.

MY WIFE

Just added my wife to the sex offenders register.

Every time I ask for sex, she gets offended.

A WIERD DAY AT WORK

I was watching porn at work, when my boss suddenly arrived.

“I cannot believe this!” He exclaimed.

“Neither can I,” I replied, “That fanny is really taking four cocks at the same time.”

SELFIES

I propose we all rename Dildos as “Selfies”, that way everyone will realise quicker that only utter cunts and arse holes take them.

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