Daily Archives: November 21, 2015
My wife is my best friend as well as my lover.
So when I needed advice about breaking up with someone I went straight to her.
The last words people say when they die suddenly have changed in recent years.
It used to be, “Tell my family I love them.”
Now it’s, “Go to my house and delete my browsing history.”
Does she spit or swallow?
Quite frankly, once it’s in her mouth, I don’t really give a shit.
I saw the doctor with my young daughter today.
Not what I expected to see when I went into her bedroom to wake her up for school.
Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness?
Me: Jumping to conclusions.
Interviewer: OK, we’ll be in touch.
Me: Excellent. See you tomorrow at eight.
Women often moan about how men lose interest in them after they’ve had sex.
Well you don’t see us hanging around to see how the plot turns out in porn films either.
Had wet dream about my ex-wife last night
She got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing.
“Have you ever thought that there was something missing in our relationship?” My girlfriend asked.
“Yes,” I smiled. ” I think about it quite a lot actually.”
“Me too!” She laughed. “Would you prefer a boy or a girl?”
“Boy or girl? I was thinking about anal.”
A bird shitting on you really is good luck.
My wife came home early from work and now she wants a divorce.
Its just five more days to Thanksgiving (November 26th 2015). When you are stuffing down that turkey in a a predatory manner that would shame a hyena, please leave some space on your plate for a fire mixtape. The whole internet will crash because of this magnificent event. Even the number 1 fan site for Weezy F Baby fans, LilWayneHQ usually has trouble handling all the traffic that comes to its site whenever Wayne drops something that is on fleek. 6 years ago on Halloween, Lil Wayne dropped the greatest mixtape of all time, titled No Ceilings. He will now be dropping a follow up of that mix tape titled No Ceilings 2. My favourite song from No Ceilings was Pop Dat ( No Ceilings). My favourite song from No Ceilings 2 will be Wayne’s remix of Drake’s Back To Back, the song which caused Meek Mill’s untimely death. Meek has now joined Tupac and Biggie. Bye Meek.