ELECTION TIME

The election time is a lot like visiting a brothel.

You know it’s full of greedy cunts who are ready to fuck you for money. In the end, you have no choice but to choose one.

THE IRONY

I hate women who put their makeup on whilst driving. On the way to work this morning a woman crossed three lanes without watching where she was going, ending up in front of me.

I had to brake so hard that my razor landed in my cornflakes which splashed milk all over my newspaper.

THE KYLIE JENNER CHALLENGE

Had so many laughs at the people doing the Kylie Jenner lip challenge!

Won’t be doing the new Bruce Jenner challenge though.

MY DAUGHTER

My daughter of 13 yrs has announced to us she might be pregnant.

You can Imagine our delight when we found out she’s not, and it turns out she’s just a fat little cunt.

CONFRONTATION

“I’ve always been scared of confrontation.”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing.”

MULTITASKING

If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they cannot have a headache and sex at the same time ?