HELPING OUT

We would like to thank everyone for sponsoring poor children who used to have to walk up to 10 km everyday just for drinking water. The infrastructure we have built with your money has provided clean drinking water in all their homes.

Unfortunately they’re all getting obese and we’d like you to donate more money so we can sign the fat fuckers up for gym membership.

WATCH THE TRAILER OF THE MOVIE BARBERSHOP STARRING NICKI MINAJ AND ICE CUBE

MY WIFE

My wife told me that the doctor said she’d be dead within a year if she didn’t give up the whiskey and what did I think.

Well, I gave it to her straight.

MY WIFE

My wife told me that the doctor said she’d be dead within a year if she didn’t give up the whiskey and what did I think.

Well, I gave it to her straight.

OOOOOOOH, MY DEAR WIFE

Standing in front of the mirror my wife said, “I’m not fat, you wouldn’t call me fat, would you?”

I said, “Of course not, darling. Fucking delusional, but never fat.”

A FUNNY HOSPITAL NOTICE

Written on a hospital eye clinic board:

If you wish to continue looking at beautiful girls’ boobs, even after your death,

DONATE YOUR EYES.

I’M INNOCENT

I have no idea how she died, your honour.

All I know is she was alive when I buried her.

MY RESEARCH ON ELEPHANTS

After doing a bit of experimenting I have found that elephants do in fact forget.

It just takes a lot more Rohypnol.

ROLE PLAYING WITH MY WIFE

My wife wants to “change roles” in the bedroom department. So I’ve turned over with a headache.

MY WIFE

My wife said she’d like another baby…

…I agreed, the one we have is fucking annoying!