Daily Archives: December 1, 2015

GRAVITATIONALLY

The more you weigh, the more attractive you are.

Gravitationally speaking.

MY WIFE

My wife accuses me of not taking her seriously and questioning everything she says.

She is kidding right?

MY MATE

My mate passed away after consuming excess amounts of Calcium Carbonate.

He chalked himself to death.

I’M SO CLEVER

Doctors say loneliness is more dangerous than smoking and drinking.

So I started smoking and drinking with others.

A CHEEKY REPLY

Got an email from an airline inviting me to “Discover America”.

I’ve replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

GETTING FREAKY WITH MY WIFE

I fisted my wife last night, and apparently it’s all my fault that her fanny is stretched.

To be fair, I did have a hand in it.

LOSING MY FIRST CHILD

I’ll never forget the pain I felt of losing my first child.

She slammed my hand with the van door before she ran off.

MY STINGY WIFE

On my wedding night my new wife took me to bed and gave me 4 blow jobs, then she said she thought that was enough.

That was 35 years ago.

CONFIDENTIAL INFO

I know who invented the word “Confidential”.

But I can’t tell you.

AN INTERVIEW

I went for a job interview yesterday.

The interviewer said, “According to your CV, you like Philosophy, Astronomy and Mathematics.”

“Well that’s correct,” I replied.

“Can we have a discussion on that?” He asked again.

“Yes of course.” I answered.

“Well then,” he paused, “Do you think that we are alone in this Universe?”

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “There are people outside this room waiting for the interview.”

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