Monthly Archives: February 2016

CONFUSING AN ARCHAEOLOGIST

How do you confuse an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

NICKI MINAJ DISSES MILEY CYRUS AND KYLIE JENNER

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Minaj added two verses to the track off Gotti’s upcoming album The Art of Hustle. She references Miley at the end of the first verse. “He said ‘Kylie, what’s good?’/I said Miley, what’s good?/I said could you pay my bills like O’Reilly, what’s good?”

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Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj got into one of 2015’s biggest celebrity feuds. The Minaj and Cyrus’ feud began when the latter called the former “not too kind” and “not very polite” in an interview with The New York Times prior to her Video Music Awards hosting gig. Cyrus was commenting on Minaj’s feud with Taylor Swift that began when the rapper tweeted about the “Anaconda” snub from the award show and noted how the ceremony celebrates “women with very slim bodies.” Swift responded on Twitter, believing the dig to be aimed at her.

At the VMAs, Swift and Minaj shared the stage, having resolved their spat. However, when Minaj went onstage to accept her moonman for Best Hip-Hop Video, she ended her speech very curtly: “And now, back to this bitch who had a lot to say about me the other day in the press: Miley, what’s good?” The camera then panned to a stunned Cyrus who claimed that the interview was “manipulated.”

Later, Minaj spoke with The New York Times about the incident in her own interview. “The fact that you feel upset about me speaking on something that affects black women makes me feel like you have some big balls,” Minaj said. “If you want to enjoy our culture and our lifestyle, bond with us, dance with us, have fun with us, twerk with us, rap with us, then you should also want to know what affects us, what is bothering us, what we feel is unfair to us. You shouldn’t not want to know that.”

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WHEN YOU GET MARRIED

When you get married, you’re given a deck of cards. First, all you get is hearts and diamonds but after awhile, all you get is clubs and spades.
©Roweeeeee

This joke came from Rowena all the way from Sydney Harbour from a Dentist whose surgery room is right next to the harbour just like the dentist in Finding Nemo. The dentist also has a fish tank.

MY BOSS

My boss keeps telling me I never concentrate.

He’s obviously never seen me when I shave my ballsack with hair clippers.

I BROKE A RECORD TODAY

My cock was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once.

But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.

PUPPIES AND GYNAES

What do puppies and gynaecologists have in common?
Wet noses.

DAVE

There once was a hermit named Dave,
who found a dead whore in a cave.
She was missing a tit,
and she stunk a bit,
but think of the money he’d save.

A VISIT TO THE DENTIST

One day, a man walked into a dentist’s surgery and asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom tooth.
“Forty quid,” the dentist said.
“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man said. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”
“Well,” the dentist said, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock the price down to 30 pounds.”
Looking annoyed, the man said, “That’s still far too expensive!”
“Okay,” said the dentist. “If I save on time and simply rip the tooth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to 10 pounds.”
“Nope,” moaned the man, “it’s still too much.”
“Well,” said the dentist finally, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it using pliers, I suppose I can knock the price down to a fiver.”
“Marvelous!” said the man. “Book my wife in for next Tuesday!”

DRUGS

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THE THREE MAGICAL WORDS

What are the three words women hate to hear during sex?
“Honey, I’m home!”

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