SANTA CLAUS

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.

WOAH, HOLD YOUR HORSES

How do you know when a date’s going bad?
When you spike your own drink with a rape pill.

LOLEST

What’s the difference between a fridge and a small boy?
A fridge doesn’t scream when you pack it full of meat.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD WHEN

getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

A WIERD PATIENT

Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.

YOUR WIFE’S BIRTHDAY

What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once!

WELL PLAYED SIR, VERY WELL PLAYED

Do you need directions?…Well first you gotta take this D-tour.

MY CAT

My cat’s dead, can I play with your pussy instead?

ROSES

Roses are red, violets are blue, we’re having sex, cause I’m stronger than you.

TONIGHT

How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable?… Like your vagina.