Monthly Archives: September 2016

12 TELEGRAM CHANNELS AND ADVERTISEMENT COSTS

Join my 12 Telegram Channels for free. Advertisements will cost you as follows;
Send kshs 200 via M-Pesa to the number 0711737196
or send 2 US dollars via PayPal to mycomuema@gmail.com

Advertisements will also be done on my website which has 1 million views. My website’s link is https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com

Send me a message @EmmanuelMuema

I own all these twelve Telegram channels;
1. Jokes™

https://telegram.me/sickjokes

2. Android Tips and Tricks™

https://telegram.me/androidtipsandtricks

3. Movies™
https://telegram.me/moviesparadisehttps://telegram.me/moviesparadise

4. Tv Series™
https://telegram.me/tvseriesparadise
5. Music™
https://telegram.me/musicalbumsandsingles
6. Poems and Inspirational Quotes™
https://telegram.me/poemsandquotes
7. Advertisements™
https://telegram.me/advertisementsallday
8. Private Movies™
https://telegram.me/joinchat/B-UUVEB2wDbYtXTjXClD2w
9. Nicki Minaj™
https://telegram.me/nickilewinskyminaj
10. Emmanuel Muema’s Blog™
https://telegram.me/emmanuelmuemasblog
11. Apps (Free and Pro/Paid Apps)™
https://telegram.me/joinchat/EAVayUClPhb-A9LABNUH2Q
12. Telegram Channels™
https://telegram.me/joinchat/EAVayUAGrMFzSUsFxM9Agw

Advertisement Rules;
1. Send kshs 200 via M-Pesa to 0711737196 or 2 US Dollars via PayPal to mycomuema@gmail.com
2. The payment made earns you three days of advertising.

Emmanuel’s Advertising Company™

Contact me the admin @EmmanuelMuema

A BOY AND HIS MOM

A boy asks his mom, “Why am I black and you’re white?” She says, “Don’t even go there. The way that party went, you’re lucky you don’t bark.”

DEAR RAPPERS

Dear rappers, please stop putting police sirens in your songs. When I’m driving, it scares the crap out of me.

*OMG’S LIKE A LITTLE GIRL* THE SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD !!!

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Rate this post and follow me on Twitter and Instagram;

Instagram

A very big thanks to Hot Mess Memoir for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award. Please check her wonderful blog out. One main thing that amazes me about her is that she is super free with words, especially adult words. Loool. For example, or case in point; 

You ever cringe when you look at all your e-mails and you’re like, why the fuck did I sign up for newsletters to Dave & Busters or Soccer.com?

The rules to be adhered to in the Sunshine Blogger Award are as follows;

1. Thank the person that nominated you.

2. Answer the questions from your nominator.

3. Nominate fellow bloggers you follow.

4. Give them 10 questions to answer.

Questions from Ms. Hot Mess;

1.You are given an unlimited amount of money by Daddy Warbucks. The only stipulation is it must be spent on a dream you’ve had. What is that dream?

I would spend it on this one dream I had where I was headed to New York City. It was winter and I was finally going to taste snow, build a snowman and make those snow angels that I see people making in the movies.

2. What is your ongoing guilty pleasure? Like at least once a week guilt pleasure?

I have to scan through the hit TV series How I Met Your Mother solely for the purpose of looking for inappropriate, sex-related and feminist jokes that Barney Stinson cracks. His objectification of women may be wrong but it’s fucking hilarios coz it’s just an act.

3. You just were accepted on Survivor and allowed to bring 1 thing. What is it? Why? 

I would bring my cellphone. It’s automatically the one thing that I can’t live without. My cellie is my freaking virtual companion.

4. What decade do you despise the most and why?

I despise the 1980’s. People wore very stupid-looking clothes and grew long hair(afros). 

5. What are you really good at?

I’m good at rapping. I have a great mastery of hiphop lyrics. For a sample video, check out my Instagram. My username is emmanuelmuema.

6. If you could be 1 age for the rest of your life, what age would that be?

I would love to be immortalized at 25. It’s the age at which one is at his or her prime. One looks amazing at that age.

7. If you were allowed to run your hands through Donald Trump’s hair AND ask him if it’s real, would you?

Hell yeah I would.

8. Who (famous or not) annoys you the most in the world and why? I mean, you really have to cringe when you hear this person’s name. Now when that first person comes to your mind and your like, ‘Oh I could never put them on a blog,’ that’s your person!

Iggy Azalea really annoys the crap out of me. My dislike for her stems from the fact that she is completely inaudible music-wise.

9. What have you never learned to do?

I have never learnt how to swim. If floods or a Tsunami come along then I’ll be completely fucked.

10. What was your dumbest purchase and why?

I haven’t made a dumb purchase yet.

My Nominees

1. Suchie a.k.a Lil Rant whose blog name says it all. She’s shy in person but likes to rant a whole lot behind a computer screen.
2. Ritu, her cat Sonu Singh and her extreme love for her family and hubby. She still smiles anyway, no matter the situation. I owe her 80% of my 1337 likes. My target is now ten thousand likes. 😂
3. Matt and his cats to whom I’m entirely grateful for nominating me for The Starlight Blogger Award. @Matt, yo dude, how many cats do you have? Please share with us.
4. Amalia Pedemonte a.k.a A.P. a.k.a Amy who has given me numerous tips on how to connect with the WP community. She helped expose my blog further to the world. Before I met her online I didn’t know that you can follow a blog and gain followers while at it. She has an experience of 6.7 million views on her blog. I’m always in shock whenever I visit it.
5. Edwina and her never-ending episodes who’s quite a cheerful woman. I like how her blog name rhymes. She loves relaxing and taking a look at the lighter side of life.
6. Ompong the excellent photographer whose camera might just have the same megapixels as the human eye, 576 MP.
7. Sobiya the lawyer from whose food blog knows no limits. The Plate Memoirs is such an elegant name, so very exquisite. It sounds like an expensive dish that I would order a French restaurant. ” I’ll have a slice of bacon, your special for tonight, The Plate Memoir and a glass of red wine please.”
8. The Wine Wankers. Your blog name cracks me up each time, I can not even begin to imagine trying to wank with wine. (We are all adults here, no need to keep the posts extremely clean).
9. Jeanine whom we had an intense conversation with a while back but I haven’t heard from.
10. Emma, who has a deep appreciateion for kittens, leopard print and potatoes. Hahaha, that’s so random. Potatoes.
11. This Chic That Blogs a.k.a The owner of the blog Dainty Delusions. She really helped me in being able to sell my artwork on Society6.com
12. The Owner of the anonymous blog Poetry and Chocolate and Books.
13. Marie, her three-year-old who growls for no particular reason and her 18-month-old who chews on the furniture. Lol. Kids. Since at the moment she was not trying to convince her children they are, in fact, human, she had some time to spare and was kind enough to share my latest post on both Twitter and Facebook. Thanks a lot.
14. Kemdirim the bookworm who nominated me for The One Lovely Blog Award.
15. Kathy who is my favourite type of commenter. She is never to lazy to exchange ots of words in form of long paragraphs. She’s had so many up and downs in her life and she found that WordPress is the perfect place that she could put it into words and see if it makes a difference.
15. Karen, the owner of the blog Nanny Cool whose name explains it all. She’s simply a nanny with cool ideas.
16. Jane Ridson the magnificent author of many award-winning books, who is always generous with likes. I love her personality.
17. Shehanne Moore the writer who’s had my back on WP ever since day 1. Her presence on my blog is always felt.

My Questions To My Nominees

1. What is your favourite drink?

2. Where is your hometown?

3. Do you prefer sweet, sour, bitter or savoury flavours?

4. What is your favourite song?

5. Where do you find inspiration for your blog posts?

6. Are you a minimalist or a collector?

7. What colour is your suitcase?

8. Which trees do you like the best?

9. Do you have a day job as well as blogging?

10. What is your favourite smell or scent?

11. Do you prefer to eat meat or vegetables?

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A LIFE LESSON

Guys be licking her genitals then wearing a condom to fuck her.
My friend si you already ate the S.T.D !!!

AN EXPERIENCE AT THE HOTEL

A guy checks into a hotel, asks the clerk, “Is your porn disabled?” “No,” replies the clerk, “It’s the regular kind, you sick bastard.”

OH

What’s black and blue and hates sex?
The ten year old in my trunk.

TWO PROBLEMS, ONE SOLUTION

How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?
The problem goes away with the aid of a coathanger.

MY WARMEST BODY ORGAN

What’s the warmest organ in a dead woman’s body?
My dick.

LAST NIGHT’S FIGHT

The fight we had last night was my fault, my wife asked me what was on the TV and I said dust.

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