Monthly Archives: April 2017

ABOUT LAST NIGHT

I slept like a baby last night. I woke up 3 times screaming and shit myself twice.

IRONY

The rapists ruin girls lives, but Therapists make girls better again.

MY WIFE

My wife was such an ugly child that the local paedophile used to eat his own sweets.

YOUR FIRST CAR, HUH?Β 

Anal is like your first car. It’s pretty shitty but your dad gave it to you anyway.

MY WIFE

Due to how fucking fat my wife’s become, I can only have sex with her doggy-style. It’s just regular sex, but I have to give her a treat afterwards.

MY AWKWARD SITUATION

I have the legs of a teenager and the body of a 21 year old. I should probably clear out my basement.

INSTANT MPESA LOANS

Loans of up to Kshs 50,000 available here. The minimum loan amount is Kshs 250. The money is sent through Mpesa. Branch app makes it easy for you to access loans (credit) anytime, anywhere. Complete these 4 steps in seconds as shown below and receive your money straight to your account.

finger finger finger finger

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STEP 1 . DOWNLOAD THE APP FROM GOOGLE PLAY STORE USING THIS LINK.

https://branch.co/download/6xy3y4

Be sure to enter this promotion code 6xy3y4 in the Promotion section.

STEP 2. LOG IN WITH YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.


STEP 3. ENTER THE CODE 6XY3Y4 IN THE PROMOTION SECTION AND CLICK APPLY CODE.

Enter the code 6xy3y4 Β here πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

THE FINAL STEP 4. GO TO THE LOAN SECTION AND CLICK ON REQUEST THIS LOAN.

The money will be sent to your Mpesa number as you can see πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

Here is a summary of the four short steps.

STEP 1 . DOWNLOAD THE APP FROM GOOGLE PLAY STORE USING THIS LINK.

STEP 2. LOG IN WITH YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.

STEP 3. ENTER THE CODE 6XY3Y4 IN THE PROMOTION SECTION AND CLICK APPLY CODE.

THE FINAL STEP 4. GO TO THE LOAN SECTION AND CLICK ON REQUEST THIS LOAN

Here is a review of the app by customers.

Here is a screenshot of loan history. πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

Branch is Β fast, convenient and reliable. It’s available in Kenya, Tanzania and Nigeria.
IT’S EASY TO GET STARTED.

* Create your account using Facebook login

* Apply in seconds

* Receive your loan straight into your MPesa (Kenya, Tanzania), Tigo (Tanzania) or bank (Nigeria) account

* Build your loan limit by making repayments on time – maximum loan is KSh 50,000
Available in:

Kenya: Safaricom MPesa

Tanzania: Vodacom MPesa, Tigo Pesa

Nigeria: Any bank account

MY WIERD FAMILY

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? 

Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter – it’s an anagram.

Son: Thanks Dad.

Dad: No problem Alan

MY TEACHER

As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, “This is wrong.” “Question 2 ?” I asked. “No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs.”

MY WISE FATHER

“You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life.” 

“But the Wedding is not until tomorrow dad”

“I know, son”

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