FACTS ABOUT THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL

Fact: In 1960, the first birth control pill became available.

Related Fact: In 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9% effective means.

A PRESENT FOR MY WIFE

Some women like flowers, others like something a little more sexy, so I’ve combined the two. Hope my wife likes her daffodildo.

I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE MY GIRLFRIEND

Can’t believe my girlfriend just called me old fashioned. And with her ankles showing – the slut.

WOMEN

Why do women have to put a label on everything?
Can’t we just be two people who enjoy spending time together??
But no, I have to be her “stalker.”

OH THE IRONY

“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.” Great movie quote, terrible pick-up line.

HOW MY DAY WAS

I took my wife out yesterday. Fucking brilliant shot.

SERIOUSLY???!!!

How far into a bitch’s back do you have to press your erect dick before she gets the hint?
Seriously, I’m getting off at the next bus stop.

SERIOUSLY ???!!!!!

How far into a bitch’s back do you have to press your erect dick before she gets the hint ?
Seriously, I’m getting off at the next bus stop.

LAST NIGHT

I made my wife scream during sex last night. She walked into our daughter’s room.

MY GOSH

A big thanks to my legal team for getting my rape charge reduced to “Assault with a friendly weapon.”