Author Archives: Emmanuel Muema

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED UP

A sure sign that your life is fucked up is when you see yourself naked in a mirror and decide you are going to have to lose some weight for your prostitute.

HE USED ME FOR SEX

“He used me for sex”

No, you used sex to get something else out of him and it didn’t work.

PHARMACY JOB

PRETEND to be a skilled pharmacist by taking half an hour to put some tablets in a fucking bag.

MY LYING SON

The school phoned me today and said, “Your son’s been telling lies.”

I replied, “Well, tell him he’s bloody good – I ain’t got any kids!”

HA

It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart.

One will see you in a while, whereas the other will see you later.

HELLO

Hi good people. Enjoy your day.

WOMEN’S DAY

Today is International Women’s Day. It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready….

MY FREAKY WIFE

My wife turned to me last night and said, “Turn the lamp off and you can stick it up my ass.”

Maybe I should’ve let the bulb cool down first though.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT

“I’m proud of you for going to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last night,” said my wife.

“Ah,” I thought, “so that’s where I fucking was.”

MY WIFE

My wife showed me a good time last night.

The photos of me when I was single.

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