Category Archives: RANDOM POSTS

STREPSILS BLOWJOB DISCOVERED; IT’S BETTER THAN EARLY MAN’S DISCOVERY OF FIRE.

Kilimani Mums Uncensored will kill me. Over the past few weeks, Strepsils-the throat lozenges-have been trending on their Facebook page which has over 144,000 female members. No no no, women have not been trying to find effective cure for sore throat with the common cold that invariably visits people when the December rains come down.
Apparently, besides being an effective sore throat fixer, Strepsils, especially Coo Menthol variety, has been transforming the sexual lives of Nairobians. Women are using Strepsils to give better blowjobs. When the Strepsils pill dissolves in the mouth, leaving the cooly, menthol air in the mouth, it makes blowjobs so much better that men lose their heads, they say.

THE AWE OF KENYA

As you may already know, Kenya is my hood, that is, the place where I reside. Carrie, the owner of the blog titled Christian Living 2014 requested me to take some pictures of my gorgeous country. Here they are ;

Here is a view of Nairobi from inside a syscraper.
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Here is a picture of Nairobi town, our capital city, in the wee hours of the night.
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Here is a picture of Central Park.
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Here is a picture of Maasai Mara Game Reserve.
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Here is another view of Nairobi town.
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Here are two pictures of West End Towers. It’s my favourite building in the whole country.
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Here is another picture of Maasai Mara Game Reserve.
Masai or Kenyan Giraffes, Masai Mara Game Reseve, Kenya

Here is a picture of Mombasa beach.
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I JUST STOPPED SHOWING LOVE

The most beautiful words
by a wounded heart;
“I never stopped loving you,
I just stopped showing it”…

You may also want to read
1. 50 Shades Of Blogging
https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/50-shades-of-blogging/
2. Lil Wayne’s Smartest Lyrics https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/lil-waynes-smartest-lyrics/
3. I’m Addicted To Lil Wayne https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne

15 EASY WAYS TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR MORNINGS

1. Download a sleep cycle app on your phone. Some are free, but you can find plenty of options that are a dollar or less. It supposedly tracks the sleep cycles that you’re in and wakes you up in the lightest sleep phase, so that you can wake up feeling rested and relaxed.
2. Sleep Cycle alarm clock is a good app to try (this isn’t sponsored, just a suggestion based on my own experiences). It will monitor your movement during sleep and will wake you up during a 30-minute window that you set yourself. You’ll wake up feeling less groggy or completely out of it, which will save you from hitting the snooze button 17 times. Another bonus is that it provides you with your personalized sleep statistics after every night’s sleep.
3. Speaking of the snooze button, avoid it at all costs. Setting your alarm for an earlier time than when you need to wake up, just so that you can hit Snooze several times, is actually much worse for you  Your body goes through crucial REM cycles, especially early in the morning, and setting an alarm to go off in the middle of that will disrupt your cycle and ultimately lead to you feeling more exhausted, brain dead, and anxious throughout the day.
4. Drink a cup of tea before bed. It will soothe you and relax your system. Just make sure it’s caffeine free.
5. Keep your phone/alarm clock somewhere where you’d have to get out of bed to turn it off in the morning. (Unless you download a sleep app, in which case, your phone will have to stay in your bed with you.)
6. The minute your alarm goes off, sit up and swing your legs onto the floor. Then, take your time and sit there for a few minutes if need-be. It’s a way to ensure that you can wake up calmly and peacefully, without worrying that you’re going to fall back to sleep.
7. Don’t look at screens half an hour before bed – tv, computer, iPad, anything. Bright lights confuse your body clock into thinking it’s daytime, and you’ll have a harder time falling asleep. Instead, read a book, write in a journal, flip through a magazine (if you’ve bought one in the last five years) and let your body naturally relax and prepare for sleep.
8. Most studies show that you need at least 7.5 hours of sleep every night. So do what you need to do to make that happen so that you feel rested in the morning.
9. Get a coffee machine with a timer. Set it to start brewing you a cup before your alarm goes off, so that right when you wake up, you have a warm cup of coffee waiting for you.
10. Try taking melatonin if you have trouble falling asleep at night. It’s a hormone that helps control your sleep and wake cycles, and is available as a dietary supplement in most pharmacies and vitamin stores, no prescription needed. There are some side effects though, so talk to your doctor if you’re concerned or unsure about trying it. I haven’t personally tried it, but I know multiple people who take it every night and say it’s a lifesaver.
11. If you are sick and need to take cold medicine, such as NyQuil, take it early in the evening. In my experience, I have to take it at least twelve hours before my alarm goes off the next morning, or I’m totally worthless for the better part of the day.
12. Take a walk, if it’s nice out. Seems simple, but nothing makes you feel more awake or alert than some fresh air.
13. Chug a glass of lukewarm water right when you wake up. It’s been shown to help you feel more alert in the morning, and it’s a good way to start of the day feeling hydrated.
14. Try developing something to look forward to in the morning that requires alertness, such as reading, stretching, catching up on your newsfeed, sitting outside, etc. Avoid passive activities like watching tv. It’s easy to get out of bed when you have a regular routine that you enjoy doing in the morning.
15. Don’t check your email immediately. Little problems and requests and issues are going to crop up all day, so why not delay the hassle for at least thirty minutes so that you can enjoy a little peace and quiet time before diving in?

PORNHUB WANTS TO SHOOT A PORN FILM IN SPACE

In space, no one can hear you moan. Pornhub, the porn video viewing site, is hoping to be the first to shoot an adult film in space. The special interest site launched its crusade for the sexy space movie on crowd funding site Indiegogo. Click here to contribute. Hoping to rock the world (and beyond) with Sexplorations in 2016 are renowned adult film stars Eva Loria and Johnny Sins. At the time of writing, 386 people have donated $8,300 within one day of the campaign being live. With 60 days of campaigning to go and 18.35 billion visits to the adult film site in 2014 alone, Pornhub may well reach its funding target of $3.4 million. However, it needs to meet or exceed this amount to access the money, or else the dollars all go back to the pockets of the backers. In the entire history of space travel, no astronauts have had sex on either the International Space Station or anywhere else in space… as far as we know.
But if the human race is to begin colonizing other planets, the ability to have a good bonk and (perhaps more importantly) procreate are arguably pretty important. At a Sex in Space panel held at 2006’s annual Space Frontier Foundation conference, there was a discussion of the “biological, emotional, and physical issues that will confront people moving [off Earth] into the space environment.” Weightlessness, noise and stress were cited as contributing factors to making certain sexual activities difficult but not impossible.
60% of the funds have been explicitly assigned to the cost of space travel. Currently, commercial spaceflight company
Virgin Galactic are offering seats to space with an upfront deposit of $250,000 . So the $2,040,000 that Pornhub are setting aside for tickets to ride into space seems substantial enough for actors and crew. Contribution rewards range from the “Pluto”, whereby a $1 donation gets you a certificate of endorsement, to the punnily-titled “Uranus” reward, whereby a $150,000 donation will make a backer the proud owner of one of the two Pornhub-branded spacesuits worn by a “sextronaut” along with their underwear.
With more private companies advertising space missions for consumers, the cost of space tourism is dropping incrementally. Though funding for Sexplorations is probably more of an astral PR stunt, Pornhub may actually be paving the way for wider research into and further discussion about sexual health in space.

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You may also want to read
1. 50 Shades Of Blogging
https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/50-shades-of-blogging/
2. Lil Wayne’s Smartest Lyrics https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/lil-waynes-smartest-lyrics/
3. I’m Addicted To Lil Wayne https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne

SELFIE SERIES EPISODE 2

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SELFIE SERIES EPISODE 1

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ANGRY BIRDS

I had some spare time so I used it to play Angry Birds. This game is so addictive. It has 100 million downloads on Google Play Store.

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You may also want to read
1. Lil Wayne’s Smartest Lyrics https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/lil-waynes-smartest-lyrics/
2. I’m Addicted To Lil Wayne https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne

IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT I’M 23 YEARS OLD RIGHT NOW, I’M STILL GOING TO READ GOOSEBUMPS NOVELS

Today is a wonderful day. I managed to download Goosebumps novels and I will finally get to read them.

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You may also want to read
1. Lil Wayne’s Smartest Lyrics https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/lil-waynes-smartest-lyrics/
2. I’m Addicted To Lil Wayne https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne

MAN SELLS HIS 4-YEAR-OLD SON ON CRAIGSLIST FOR MONEY TO PRE-ORDER APPLE WATCH

A 22 year old man named Jason Arenas has been arrested by New York police after allegedly selling his 4 year old son and his own soul on Craigslist for $500, so he could pre-order the new Apple Watch. Authorities arrested Jason earlier today after people began notifying the police of a Craigslist listing where a man was selling his soul and son for $500.00 to pre-order the new Apple Watch. Authorities saw the listing and found that Jason was advertising his son as “hard working” and “doesn’t eat a lot” (See a screenshot of the Craigslist ad below).

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Authorities grew suspicious as to whether it was joke or true. A group of NYPD officers decided to visit the home of Jason and found that his 4 year old was nowhere to be found. Police also found a printed receipt on his kitchen table for the purchase of the Apple Watch, which releases April 25th, 2015. Authorities began to question Jason as to where his son was, and he finally admitted that he sold him already, along with his soul. After telling the authorities who he sold his son to, the 4 year old child was retrieved a few hours later, however, Jason’s soul was not able to be retrieved. Jason was arrested for one count of child trafficking. Reporters managed to interview Jason about the sale of his son and why, Jason responded with: “ I really wanted that Apple Watch fam, I seen that shit in videos and was like nah I need to get it, does my son tell me what time it is? No. Does my son tell me who sneak dissin’ on Twittery? No, but that Apple Watch could. Everybody mad cause I sold my son but did he die? No, okay then so we all good“. Jason can face up to 3 years in prison for selling his son via Craigslist if found guilty in a court of law. Be sure to subscribe to my blog for future updates on Jason and his 4 year old son.

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You may also want to read
1. Lil Wayne’s Smartest Lyrics https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/lil-waynes-smartest-lyrics/
2. I’m Addicted To Lil Wayne https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/im-addicted-to-lil-wayne

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