My wife turned to me last night and said, “Turn the lamp off and you can stick it up my ass.”
Maybe I should’ve let the bulb cool down first though.
“I’m proud of you for going to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last night,” said my wife.
“Ah,” I thought, “so that’s where I fucking was.”
My menopausal wife has done nothing but complain since we’ve moved next to a brothel.
It must be the whore moans.
A war hero is walking along the street dragging his right leg along the pavement due to an old war injury. As he’s walking he sees another man coming towards him dragging his right leg along the pavement as well. As he’s passing this man he points down to his foot and says “Vietnam, 30 years back”.
The other guy points down at his foot and replies “Dog shit, 30 yards back!”
“Ladies first!” is just a more polite way to say, “Go ahead as I look at your ass.”
How does a man know if he has a high sperm count?
The woman has to chew before swallowing.
If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a night it increases the likelihood of a stroke.
If she drinks the whole bottle, then she’s likely to throw in a blow job as well.
Who says men can’t multitask?
I can fuck my girlfriend and think about her sister at the same time.